paint me a smile

Happy Friday!

How has your week been? Positive and productive I hope!

This evening I want to talk about something that has been playing on my mind for quite some time now. I always find myself craving permission, reassurance and certainty. I find that I crave these three things in all aspects of my life from work, home, relationships and friendships.

I crave for people to like me.

I crave for people to be proud of me.

I crave for myself to be better.

I crave for myself to be happy.

I crave for people to trust me.

Instead of focusing on what people think of me I should be focusing on if I’m happy with the person I’m growing up to be. Because, at the end of the day, I have to live with myself.

I tend to find myself stressing a lot at work. I worry what people think of me. I worry that people at work don’t trust me. I worry that people at work don’t see me as a responsible person. I worry that I’m not doing a good enough job.

I want to succeed, but I also want to be liked.

But at the end of the day I can only do my best. So this week, I’ve been trying to keep my head down and keep pushing through; one day at a time.

Admittedly, this week has been tough. I’ve had quite a few panic attacks and moments where I just felt like I couldn’t do ‘life’ anymore.

When I look at all of the positives from this week. My eating has been great! I have been to the gym for the past couple of days. I’ve been eating biscuits like theres no tomorrow. I’ve been reading. I’ve been going to bed earlier.

Theres a lot of more positives than negatives it would seem!

I’m going to try and keep my head held high. I’m going to keep pushing through the days; because life IS worth it.

I need to stay strong.

And, I will keep fighting.

I’m proud of everything I’ve achieved this week and I’m so grateful for the people who constantly support me. ❤