I Want To Be Okay.

Dear Journal,

The past few days have been quite productive. I’ve certainly had ups and downs.

As I’m writing this I’ve found myself getting very paranoid and very emotional. I worry that I’m not enough. I worry that I will never overcome depression. I worry that I will never overcome how I feel. I worry that this will forever be my life. It’s difficult because today has been so productive and positive, but now, I find myself feeling like this. I feel empty and lonely!

I feel like I don’t want to be here. It’s crazy as earlier I found myself smiling; genuinely smiling. I was happy! I was planning what I will do tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. I was thinking about the future. I was thinking about how great it would be to get married and have children.

Right now all I can think about is this moment.

I want to be okay.

I want to feel alive.

I want to feel free.

So now, I will pick myself up and begin to plan my trip tomorrow. I’m sure I will be okay. I’m going to watch Netflix. I’m going to charge my camera and pack my bag.

When that’s done, I will climb into bed, light my candle and read some of my book.

Goodnight. I hope you’ve had a great Monday.

– Hannah ❤

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