Session 2.

This morning I had my second session. I was feeling much more relaxed about going this time. Last week I was quite anxious.

This week we talked about:

  • Mood changes
  • OCD behaviour
  • Current living situation

I’ve had quite a rough week (i feel like I say this every week) but this week I’ve been feeling quite ill and it’s been really getting to me.

My mood has been quite up and down, especially as i’ve been feeling quite stressed at work.

Its no secret that I have OCD tendencies, but I would have never described it as OCD. Until this morning, I didn’t realise just how much the rituals and behaviours that I have effect my everyday life.

We talked about my current living situation and how I would like to see it be different in the next six months. We made targets! (realistic ones) I’m going to focus and work on them!

Therapy went quite well overall.

– Hannah ❤

Session 1.

Last Monday I had my first psychotherapy session. I’m not going to lie, I was pretty anxious about it! I really wasn’t sure of what to expect.

The session was incredibly emotional and upsetting.

We talked about my childhood. We talked about my parents and my dad’s controlling behaviour. We talked about the effects that that is having on my adult life.

We talked our way through the lengthy questionnaire that was handed to me in the introductory session about a month ago. I preferred that! I feel like I can convey my emotions better when I write them down.

We focused on the aspects of my life that I would like to change.

  • Mood swings
  • Obsessive thinking
  • Negative body image

Towards the end of the session, she asked me to think about what I would like to focus on in next weeks session. I think I would like to focus more on my mood swings and what triggers them.

I’m a little late uploading this post. By the time this post is live I will have just finished my second session. I’m aiming to write a re-cap of each session and upload it on a Monday evening.

Have you had psychotherapy before?

– Hannah ❤

MBT Therapy – Week Three.

Luck or fate that takes the form of finding valuable or pleasant things that are not looked for-4This session I found particularly difficult and emotional draining. We were discussing ‘Understanding Personality Development’.

We discussed how growing up in particular tough or stifling environments can stint personality development. This can cause a person to feel:

  • Lack of trust
  • Not getting close to people
  • Feeling Abandoned
  • Limited self-confidence
  • Poor self-worth
  • Poor emotional & behavioural self-regulation
  • Difficulty communicating

A lot of these I can relate to, and that is what I found difficult from this session. It opened my eyes to a lot of reasons why I might feel like I do.

A key point that was mentioned in this session was that, when we are younger (as a child) we have a certain way of reacting to certain situations. As we grow up, if these habits aren’t changed and developed, it can lead to outbursts, mood swings and built up anger.

In these sessions we are aiming to look at these behaviours and begin to work on changing these habits.

We also discussed about mental health in the workplace and how the people around us respond when they know about mental illness.

I’m lucky, I gain a lot of support from my managers and workplace, they are incredibly understanding about my mental health providing I’m honest and I communicate how I’m feeling.

Overall, I think that these sessions are helping me.

I hope you all have a great week. 🙂

–  Hannah ❤

MBT Therapy – Week Two.

Luck or fate that takes the form of finding valuable or pleasant things that are not looked for-3

So I’m writing this a little bit later than the last post, and to be honest, it’s purely because getting through this week has been particularly difficult. Better late than never though yeah?

The second session went well. I wasn’t as anxious about going as I kind of knew what to expect. I also felt more confident on the way there as I knew where I was going.

We all sat around in a group just as we did the first week. There was a few people who didn’t come to the last session. We all took it in turns to say our name out loud so that the new people knew our names. I felt kind of awkward about this though. I know this sounds strange, but I felt like I was in a cheesy American drama.

The session went quite quickly. In the break, I made myself a coffee and talked with F again. She said that she wasn’t having a great week either. There was also a girl there who told us that she had tried to hang herself this week as things got too much. I felt kind of silly that I had being feeling so down as I didn’t feel like my reasons where as valid as some of the others in the group.

We mostly did group tasks this week, I was kind of pleased about this. I really didn’t want to make an effort to try and work in pairs as that would require speaking. Throughout the group activities I felt my emotions building up, I felt like I had so much I wanted to say but I couldn’t find a way to express how I was feeling. I knew in my mind what I was feeling, but the words just didn’t leave my mouth.

I find that this has been happening quite a lot.

I struggle to talk about how I feel unless I’m writing it down. I love this blog as it provides me with a voice, as well as a platform in which I can freely talk about what I like.

It makes me emotional and upset at times when I can’t express my feelings in spoken words, I feel that in some ways it stifles my relationships with people.

I guess sometimes I feel as though it’s a weakness.

I have therapy again tomorrow. I’m going to relax this evening and not be too hard on myself. After all, tomorrow will be a tough day.

I hope that you’re all having a fantastic week.

– Hannah ❤

MBT Therapy – Week One.

What is MBT?

“Mentalization based treatment is a Psychotherapy used to treat people who meet criteria for a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. Mentalizing is the capacity to make sense of our own actions and feelings and those of others. This can be very important in enabling us to regulate our emotions and impulses and n developing fulfilling meaningful relationships.”

Last Friday I attended my first session of MBT. Before attending the session I was feeling quite anxious about going. I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. I’ve had other types of therapy before but I knew this was different!

As I approached the door to the building I rang the bell and waited for someone to let me in. She took me into the room where the group was taking place. I walked in and there was about 11 other people already sat there. I only recognised one person which was my care worked who I see every two weeks. I sat down and started to fill in the questionnaire that they asked us all to complete.

  • We started with an introduction. The three therapists running the session wrote out names on the board. We passed a teddybear around the group, when you pass the bear to another person in the group you had to say their name. I was nervous at first but I soon started to feel more comfortable.
  • They then asked us to turn to the person to our left and ask that person for three facts about themselves.

S – She tattoos herself. She likes drawing and spending time with her children.

  • We took a short break. I made myself a coffee and I started talking to one of the other girls. F seemed really nice. She’s a Slytherin!
  • The group resumed and we were asked to work in pairs again. I worked with F. Our task was to write down three things we feared or were anxious about before coming to todays session.

I wrote:

  1. Not being liked.
  2. Being late/getting lost.
  3. Being judged.
  • We handed the three slips of paper back to the therapists and they read everyones out loud.

It was interesting to see that a lot of the group felt the same way as me. We all wrote down similar things.

The group concluded with discussing about the fears that we were all having about coming to the group.

Next Friday’s session will be on ‘Conditioning’

– Hannah ❤