paint me a smile

Dear Journal,

Its been such a long time since I’ve written in this section of the blog.

I guess in many ways I felt as though it was a bit redundant, irrelevant almost. Being in recovery brings thoughts and questions of “How on earth did I ever feel that low?!”

Over the past two months, I’ve been working closely with my therapist and my doctor to reduce my medication. There are a couple of reasons for this:

No.1: I don’t want to take medication anymore. I want to see how I can cope without it. I want to see how I am, unmediated.

No.2: the boyfriend and I have talked about trying for a baby towards the end of the year. There are too many risks during pregnancy being on these tablets. Plus, I want to breastfeed.

Anyway, back to the point, the medication has to be reduced twice more before I will be medication free. I’m told it will take another 3 months, which isn’t that long to be honest.

Recently, I have been struggling though. A lot more than I have done in the past year. Admittedly, there are many factors as to what is contributing to this. A couple of weeks ago I had an operation on my foot. I am unable to work. (Big big knockdown for me) and no gym. Also massive knockdown. I am stressed to the max.

Yesterday I admitted to my boyfriend that I didn’t want to be alive anymore. In that moment, I really did mean it. Although upon reflection, I know that’s not how i truly feel. I’m just struggling and drowning and I can’t seem to drag myself out of this pit that just seems to be getting deeper and deeper.

I know that its going to be okay. I know that when I look back at these past few days in a few months time I will congratulate myself for pushing through. I just know it! It’s just at this moment in time, I don’t see the light. It’s just dark.

But that’s okay.

Tomorrow, it’s a new day. New beginning. New things to achieve. And new goals to set.

Until then, enjoy the rest of your evening.

Much love,

Hannah x

Hey there, I hope that you’re having a great Sunday. It’s been such a long time since I’ve posted here. Life has just kinda got in the way and the more time that has passed, the more and more I felt anxious about posting.

I guess I should start by doing a re-cap about what I’ve been up to.

Christmas was amazing. Josh and I spent our first Christmas in our own place. We went to Josh’s mum’s house in the afternoon and we also stayed over. We played lots of family games, ate lots of good food and we also exchanged presents. On boxing day we went to Ramsgate to spend the day with Josh’s dads side of the family. We had a late Christmas with my family early Jan.

We went to a New Years Eve party which was so much fun. We played lots of games and maybe one or two glasses of Prosecco. Lol.

I spent January working out in the gym, working lots of hours at work and working on some of my new years resolutions. I will talk about them in a post early next week.

Last week I had a long awaited operation on my foot so I’ve been resting up whilst it heals. So that means, no walks, no gym and pretty much not doing anything for at least the first week. I’m back at the hospital tomorrow and hopefully they will be removing the cast and fitting a shoe so I will be able to walk on it.

But yeah, I just thought I would check in and say hey. Let me know what you’ve been up to and if you’ve set any new years resolutions. I would love to know what you guys are challenging yourselves to do this year!

Much love,
Hannah x

Well hello there! It’s been such a long time since my last post. Life has kinda got in the way and with the stress of Christmas just around the corner, it’s all been a bit overwhelming. 

I wanted to ease myself back into blogging with a Christmas related post. 

• I’ve put the Christmas Reindeer bedding on which was £15 from Primark. It’s so warm and cosy! 
• I’ve got the gingerbread candles burning. The boyfriend bought me the gingerbread candle from Next.
• The Christmas cushions are out. The one that is pictured is one that I made a couple of months ago.

We have already got our tree and most of our decorations up and I can’t wait to share all of those images with you. 

Have you started getting your house ready for Christmas? Maybe you’ve started Christmas baking or wrapping presents? Let me know what your plans are this Christmas.

– Hannah x

I’ve been kicking October off with fluffy slippers, cosy blankets, nutty lattes and autumn scented candles.

Sounds divine, doesn’t it?

I wanted to take part in Blogtober this year but life has kinda got in the way. Plus, I’ve been uploading new videos on my YouTube channel. *happy dance* I will however be doing Blogmas like last year because OMG that was so much fun!

If you are taking part in Blogtober this year please do send me your blog links I would love to add them to my reading list.

Much love,
Hannah x

P.S. Listen with me: my current Autumn Playlist on Spotify 

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It’s got to that time of year again where your skincare products need changing up. The weather has gotten pretty cold over the past few days in England. My skin is certainly feeling the change in weather.

I picked these up from Superdrug and Boots last month last month. I decided that it was time to change up what facial wash I was using and this one has been doing wonders for my skin. It leaves it feeling so clean and refreshed. It’s also got exfoliating bits in it which is great for my dry areas around the edges of my face.

The moisturisers are from Superdrug, it’s their new de-stress range so I thought I would give it a go. My skin has been feeling quite tired over the last couple of months from bad sleep so these seemed like a perfect fit for me right now. Overall I’m pretty impressed with them both. I use the everyday day and night moisturiser more than the night mask if I’m honest, just because I feel it’s a bit think. I will continue to give it a go though, I think during the winter it will be great. The day and night one id great though! It’s not greasy and I can still apply makeup over the top which is always a bonus.

Now onto the Boho Beach Jelly! For such a long time now I’ve hated having curly hair, then I found this range of products and managing my curly hair is no longer a chore. It leaves my hair feeling light and it really brings out my natural curls.

Those are all the current skincare products I’m currently using. I’m going to try and film a skincare routine video for my YouTube channel. I will try and get that done in the next couple of weeks.

What skincare products are you using right now?

Much love,
Hannah x

Guess what?

I finally, (yes! Finally) uploaded a Primark Haul video for Autumn.

I received a lot of messages this year asking me if I was going to make a YouTube channel.

The answer is yes!

I have finally started posting more. I hope to be posting once a week from now on!

Be sure to head over to my channel and subscribe for new videos. I’m very excited about starting this adventure. It’s a way to make myself feel a bit more comfortable and confident in front of the camera as well as in myself.

Much love,
Hannah x

Hello there, and welcome back to another coffee adventure post. A couple of weeks ago I decided that I would visit Eleto Chocolate Cafe in Canterbury. After many recommendations from a friend of mine I decided that I needed to visit and see for myself what this cafe was all about.

As I arrived it was quite busy outside and downstairs. I took a menu from the counter and made my way upstairs.

First impressions? Kinda quirky and rustic and definitely a place I could get some writing work done. It reminds me of a coffee shop I used to go to a lot during my time at University. I want to visit there again at some point, maybe next year.

I managed to get a window seat, I scanned the menu and omg! I was so spoilt for choice. I wanted something sweet and full of chocolate because after all this was the chocolate cafe. I ordered a Belgium Waffle and a cappuccino. When it arrived I was immediately taken to chocolate heaven, no exaggeration! It was so sweet and was just what I wanted. The cappuccino was on point too!

It will definitely be a place that I will be visiting again. I also picked up some chocolates and truffles to take home with me. They were divine!

Next time I visit I want to try one of their milkshakes and maybe some cake. They also have a branch in Folkestone so I might visit that one next!

Follow them @ Facebook
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Follow them @ Website

Eleto Chocolate Cafe, Canterbury
1 Guildhall Street
Canterbury
CT1 2JQ
t: 01227 464 164

Have you visited here? What were your thoughts?

Also, I am making it my mission to visit more and more coffee shops around Kent, and the UK so if you have any suggestions for coffee shops to visit please let me know.

Much love,
Hannah x

Good morning, hows your Sunday going so far? Restful I hope! Grab yourself a nice warm drink and get ready for todays post.

Today I wanted to share a few things with you.

1. This gorgeous bedding that I bought from Asda Living.
2. My bedtime routine.
3. Creating a comfortable bedroom space.

Because most of my shifts have been starting at 6:15am, I’ve been trying to get into bed before 10pm. I make sure that I open the window an hour before. There is nothing worse than trying to sleep in a room that is too hot. I’ve been loving lighting candles and putting fairy lights up. It feels so cozy! I’ve been slacking on my reading over the past couple of months. I haven’t been able to get into reading as much as I used to. I’ve been challenging myself to read at least one chapter throughout the day.

I’m currently reading Kalyn Nicholson’s book called Catcher. You can buy it from Amazon. 

With Autumn just around the corner I’m in the process of moving some things around in the flat, this includes, new throws, pillows, candles, and art. Yes, art. I’ve bought a couple of pieces from Etsy. I just need to buy a couple of frames then they will be ready to put up.

The boy and I have just bought a rug for the living area, it’s looking and feeling more like our home already. I bought some cushions to match the rug. They are both neutral colours.

I’m so excited for Autumn. I’ve started filming more videos over on my YouTube channel. I will have two new videos going up next week. Click here to subscribe to my channel. 

Much love,
Hannah x