How I Really Feel Being Pregnant.

I’ll be honest I’ve been struggling to put this post into words. Feeling confident within myself before getting pregnant was difficult. Now that I am pregnant, I feel as though my body confidence changes quite drastically day to day.

On Friday it was Valentines Day, Josh made plans for us to have a three course dinner at a local restaurant that I’ve really wanted to go to for a while. I got dressed up, put some makeup on and I was amazed at just how confident that made me feel.

I feel like I’ve waited for the best part of a month for this “pregnancy glow” and energy that everyone talks about. I definitely feel as though I have more energy than I did during the first trimester though. (Thank goodness for that!)

I’ve been feeling as though I’m not as happy as I should be during this pregnancy. I feel guilty for not enjoying it as much as I think I should be. In my mind I should be ecstatic about the new chapter ahead. I should love my body unconditionally for the incredible thing that it’s doing. I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed about the prospect of becoming a mum. It’s a scary concept! I’m learning to accept these feelings of uncertainty as normal. I’m learning to understand that it is a scary but exciting new chapter of my life. I’m currently waiting on therapy to help with these thoughts.

If you’ve followed me for a while or you know me personally, you’ll know that I’ve struggled with my mental health for a large majority of my life. Before getting pregnant I decided that I would stop taking the anti-depressants that I had been taking for about 2 and a half years. I worked alongside my doctor for 6 months to do this safely. I’m so proud of myself for getting to a place where I didn’t need them anymore. I’ve had a lot of therapy in the past, and that really helped me too.

Getting pregnant happened very quickly for us which I feel so blessed about. During the first trimester my emotions were like a rollercoaster. Although I have to admit that my hormones have calmed down a bit I have been having days (mostly moments) where I just cry or I get so overwhelmed. I’m told by my midwife that it’s normal?

I feel as though people don’t talk much about how pregnancy affects their mental health as they’re afraid of being judged or that people will think they won’t be able to cope when the baby gets here. For me, although I do share those fears too. I’m really looking forward to baby’s arrival and I’m so excited to become a mum. There are however moments that are overshadowed by my mental health, and the doubts and fears that I have in my mind. Because I’ve struggled with my mental health in the past, those fears and doubts are somewhat exaggerated and overwhelming to deal with. But I think that it’s vital to establish that having mental health problems does no way determine the type of person or parent you will become.

I struggle with my mental health and whilst being pregnant I’m almost vulnerable to having more intense feelings about how I’m coping, but thats okay. It’s so important to reach out and ask for help. It doesn’t make you a bad person and it certainly doesn’t make you a bad mum.

I hope to talk more about my mental health during this pregnancy and I would encourage others to do so too. ❤

Thank you for reading,

Hannah x

It’s Been Quite A While.

Well hello there, it’s been such a long time since I’ve uploaded onto this blog. There are many reasons why I haven’t, the main one being, life has just kinda been a bit crazy!

A few weeks ago I started a new job and I’m loving it so far! The staff are so lovely and they really have made me feel part of the team.

I can’t believe that it’s almost September! Where is this year going?

I had a lot of fears and anxiety about uploading on here again. After giving it much thought I just figured that I didn’t really have anything to loose. Besides, I really miss my rambling thoughts!

Tomorrow marks a pretty big day for me. It’s the day that I’ve been waiting for for a good 2 and a half years, maybe a little longer than that now that I think about it. It’s the last day that I will spend on anti-depressants. I will be 100% medication free! I cannot believe how much my life has changed. Of course I still have bad days, and I still find myself rattled with anxiety. But for the most part, life is great! It’s been an uphill battle but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I’ve started going to the gym more too. It’s doing wonders for my self-confidence! I’m also doing tons of reading. I’m currently reading Becoming by Michelle Obama, she’s such an inspiration! OH and also, I don’t know how I could possibly forget this! My sister has moved down to Kent. How amazing is that? I’ve been loving spending more and more time with her.

So that kind of sums up what I’ve been up to.

What have you guys been up to? I would love to hear all about it.

-Hannah x

Foot Recovery.

Hello and welcome back to my blog.

On February the 19th I had an operation on my foot to remove a bunion that was causing me so much pain in and around my left foot.

After having a check up appointment this morning, the doctor is very happy with the amount that my foot has healed.

They did an xray on my foot. I was so shocked by how much you could see. They put three screws in my big toe to keep it straight. I’m so happy to have my foot back and not in pain. I have been cleared to go back to the gym. Apart from running I will be pretty much okay to do everything I would normally do, which is awesome.

So now that my foot is completely on the mend, I will be completing a fitness course that I have enrolled on. I will be putting together my fitness plan and diary. I can’t wait to share this part of my life with you.

I hope that you’re all having an amazing start to the week.

Much love,
Hannah x

Update | Canterbury | Holiday Haul

Taming My Mind.

Dear Journal,

Its been such a long time since I’ve written in this section of the blog.

I guess in many ways I felt as though it was a bit redundant, irrelevant almost. Being in recovery brings thoughts and questions of “How on earth did I ever feel that low?!”

Over the past two months, I’ve been working closely with my therapist and my doctor to reduce my medication. There are a couple of reasons for this:

No.1: I don’t want to take medication anymore. I want to see how I can cope without it. I want to see how I am, unmediated.

No.2: the boyfriend and I have talked about trying for a baby towards the end of the year. There are too many risks during pregnancy being on these tablets. Plus, I want to breastfeed.

Anyway, back to the point, the medication has to be reduced twice more before I will be medication free. I’m told it will take another 3 months, which isn’t that long to be honest.

Recently, I have been struggling though. A lot more than I have done in the past year. Admittedly, there are many factors as to what is contributing to this. A couple of weeks ago I had an operation on my foot. I am unable to work. (Big big knockdown for me) and no gym. Also massive knockdown. I am stressed to the max.

Yesterday I admitted to my boyfriend that I didn’t want to be alive anymore. In that moment, I really did mean it. Although upon reflection, I know that’s not how i truly feel. I’m just struggling and drowning and I can’t seem to drag myself out of this pit that just seems to be getting deeper and deeper.

I know that its going to be okay. I know that when I look back at these past few days in a few months time I will congratulate myself for pushing through. I just know it! It’s just at this moment in time, I don’t see the light. It’s just dark.

But that’s okay.

Tomorrow, it’s a new day. New beginning. New things to achieve. And new goals to set.

Until then, enjoy the rest of your evening.

Much love,

Hannah x

What Have I been Up To?

Hey there, I hope that you’re having a great Sunday. It’s been such a long time since I’ve posted here. Life has just kinda got in the way and the more time that has passed, the more and more I felt anxious about posting.

I guess I should start by doing a re-cap about what I’ve been up to.

Christmas was amazing. Josh and I spent our first Christmas in our own place. We went to Josh’s mum’s house in the afternoon and we also stayed over. We played lots of family games, ate lots of good food and we also exchanged presents. On boxing day we went to Ramsgate to spend the day with Josh’s dads side of the family. We had a late Christmas with my family early Jan.

We went to a New Years Eve party which was so much fun. We played lots of games and maybe one or two glasses of Prosecco. Lol.

I spent January working out in the gym, working lots of hours at work and working on some of my new years resolutions. I will talk about them in a post early next week.

Last week I had a long awaited operation on my foot so I’ve been resting up whilst it heals. So that means, no walks, no gym and pretty much not doing anything for at least the first week. I’m back at the hospital tomorrow and hopefully they will be removing the cast and fitting a shoe so I will be able to walk on it.

But yeah, I just thought I would check in and say hey. Let me know what you’ve been up to and if you’ve set any new years resolutions. I would love to know what you guys are challenging yourselves to do this year!

Much love,
Hannah x

Welcome December.

Well hello there! It’s been such a long time since my last post. Life has kinda got in the way and with the stress of Christmas just around the corner, it’s all been a bit overwhelming. 

I wanted to ease myself back into blogging with a Christmas related post. 

  • I’ve put the Christmas Reindeer bedding on which was £15 from Primark. It’s so warm and cosy! 
  • I’ve got the gingerbread candles burning. The boyfriend bought me the gingerbread candle from Next.
  • The Christmas cushions are out. The one that is pictured is one that I made a couple of months ago.

We have already got our tree and most of our decorations up and I can’t wait to share all of those images with you. 

Have you started getting your house ready for Christmas? Maybe you’ve started Christmas baking or wrapping presents? Let me know what your plans are this Christmas.

– Hannah x

Hello October.

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I’ve been kicking October off with fluffy slippers, cosy blankets, nutty lattes and autumn scented candles.

Sounds divine, doesn’t it?

I wanted to take part in Blogtober this year but life has kinda got in the way. Plus, I’ve been uploading new videos on my YouTube channel. *happy dance* I will however be doing Blogmas like last year because OMG that was so much fun!

If you are taking part in Blogtober this year please do send me your blog links I would love to add them to my reading list.

Much love,
Hannah x

P.S. Listen with me: my current Autumn Playlist on Spotify 

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Coffee Adventure – Eleto Chocolate Cafe.

Hello there, and welcome back to another coffee adventure post. A couple of weeks ago I decided that I would visit Eleto Chocolate Cafe in Canterbury. After many recommendations from a friend of mine I decided that I needed to visit and see for myself what this cafe was all about.

As I arrived it was quite busy outside and downstairs. I took a menu from the counter and made my way upstairs.

First impressions? Kinda quirky and rustic and definitely a place I could get some writing work done. It reminds me of a coffee shop I used to go to a lot during my time at University. I want to visit there again at some point, maybe next year.

I managed to get a window seat, I scanned the menu and omg! I was so spoilt for choice. I wanted something sweet and full of chocolate because after all this was the chocolate cafe. I ordered a Belgium Waffle and a cappuccino. When it arrived I was immediately taken to chocolate heaven, no exaggeration! It was so sweet and was just what I wanted. The cappuccino was on point too!

It will definitely be a place that I will be visiting again. I also picked up some chocolates and truffles to take home with me. They were divine!

Next time I visit I want to try one of their milkshakes and maybe some cake. They also have a branch in Folkestone so I might visit that one next!

Follow them @ Facebook
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Follow them @ Website

Eleto Chocolate Cafe, Canterbury
1 Guildhall Street
Canterbury
CT1 2JQ
t: 01227 464 164

Have you visited here? What were your thoughts?

Also, I am making it my mission to visit more and more coffee shops around Kent, and the UK so if you have any suggestions for coffee shops to visit please let me know.

Much love,
Hannah x

Getting Ready for Autumn.

Good morning, hows your Sunday going so far? Restful I hope! Grab yourself a nice warm drink and get ready for todays post.

Today I wanted to share a few things with you.

  1. This gorgeous bedding that I bought from Asda Living.
  2. My bedtime routine.
  3. Creating a comfortable bedroom space.

Because most of my shifts have been starting at 6:15am, I’ve been trying to get into bed before 10pm. I make sure that I open the window an hour before. There is nothing worse than trying to sleep in a room that is too hot. I’ve been loving lighting candles and putting fairy lights up. It feels so cozy! I’ve been slacking on my reading over the past couple of months. I haven’t been able to get into reading as much as I used to. I’ve been challenging myself to read at least one chapter throughout the day.

I’m currently reading Kalyn Nicholson’s book called Catcher. You can buy it from Amazon. 

With Autumn just around the corner I’m in the process of moving some things around in the flat, this includes, new throws, pillows, candles, and art. Yes, art. I’ve bought a couple of pieces from Etsy. I just need to buy a couple of frames then they will be ready to put up.

The boy and I have just bought a rug for the living area, it’s looking and feeling more like our home already. I bought some cushions to match the rug. They are both neutral colours.

I’m so excited for Autumn. I’ve started filming more videos over on my YouTube channel. I will have two new videos going up next week. Click here to subscribe to my channel. 

Much love,
Hannah x