It’s A Boy!

So yeah as you can probably already see from the title. We are having a baby boy ❤

It’s been one hell of a rough pregnancy so far. We’ve had a fair few complications for the mere 23 weeks and 5 days that I am. From being told that I have low hormone levels, extra scans and appointments, an amniocentesis, and recently being told I might have to deliver baby as early as 32 weeks. It’s safe to say that I am well and truly stressed! As I’m writing this, baby is kicking away as he has done on and off all day. Honestly, it’s the best feeling ever. ❤

When we first started talking about starting to try for a baby. I cut down on the amount of alcohol I would drink (not that it was a lot anyway) I cut down on coffee (this was a challenge and a half) I started eating better and exercising more regularly. I took pre-conception tablets. I literally did everything I could think of to better our chances of getting pregnant. Once we found out in early October that we were indeed pregnant, I continued to nurture and love my body as much as possible. I would like to add, not that I regret any of this. BUT, I can’t help but feel a bit devastated that I’m having quite so many complications, even after doing everything to make the pregnancy go well. I kind of have this element of guilt, like it’s my fault, like it’s my body thats failing. I know it’s not, everyone keeps telling me that it’s just how it is and there is nothing I could have done to prevent these problems. I guess I feel responsible as it’s my job to grow a healthy baby.

The hospital will be closely monitoring myself and baby. My next scan is in 3 weeks so I’m hoping that baby grows on schedule. I’m just trying to stay focused and positive. Everything is just so uncertain at the minute and I’m finding that hard to deal with. I feel like I can’t focus on anything else. Right now, nothing else matters as much as bringing our little baby into this world safely.

But you know what, despite the stress, the heartache and the uncertainty, I can’t wait to meet our little boy. We are going to love him so much!

Much love, Hannah x

How I Really Feel Being Pregnant.

I’ll be honest I’ve been struggling to put this post into words. Feeling confident within myself before getting pregnant was difficult. Now that I am pregnant, I feel as though my body confidence changes quite drastically day to day.

On Friday it was Valentines Day, Josh made plans for us to have a three course dinner at a local restaurant that I’ve really wanted to go to for a while. I got dressed up, put some makeup on and I was amazed at just how confident that made me feel.

I feel like I’ve waited for the best part of a month for this “pregnancy glow” and energy that everyone talks about. I definitely feel as though I have more energy than I did during the first trimester though. (Thank goodness for that!)

I’ve been feeling as though I’m not as happy as I should be during this pregnancy. I feel guilty for not enjoying it as much as I think I should be. In my mind I should be ecstatic about the new chapter ahead. I should love my body unconditionally for the incredible thing that it’s doing. I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed about the prospect of becoming a mum. It’s a scary concept! I’m learning to accept these feelings of uncertainty as normal. I’m learning to understand that it is a scary but exciting new chapter of my life. I’m currently waiting on therapy to help with these thoughts.

If you’ve followed me for a while or you know me personally, you’ll know that I’ve struggled with my mental health for a large majority of my life. Before getting pregnant I decided that I would stop taking the anti-depressants that I had been taking for about 2 and a half years. I worked alongside my doctor for 6 months to do this safely. I’m so proud of myself for getting to a place where I didn’t need them anymore. I’ve had a lot of therapy in the past, and that really helped me too.

Getting pregnant happened very quickly for us which I feel so blessed about. During the first trimester my emotions were like a rollercoaster. Although I have to admit that my hormones have calmed down a bit I have been having days (mostly moments) where I just cry or I get so overwhelmed. I’m told by my midwife that it’s normal?

I feel as though people don’t talk much about how pregnancy affects their mental health as they’re afraid of being judged or that people will think they won’t be able to cope when the baby gets here. For me, although I do share those fears too. I’m really looking forward to baby’s arrival and I’m so excited to become a mum. There are however moments that are overshadowed by my mental health, and the doubts and fears that I have in my mind. Because I’ve struggled with my mental health in the past, those fears and doubts are somewhat exaggerated and overwhelming to deal with. But I think that it’s vital to establish that having mental health problems does no way determine the type of person or parent you will become.

I struggle with my mental health and whilst being pregnant I’m almost vulnerable to having more intense feelings about how I’m coping, but thats okay. It’s so important to reach out and ask for help. It doesn’t make you a bad person and it certainly doesn’t make you a bad mum.

I hope to talk more about my mental health during this pregnancy and I would encourage others to do so too. ❤

Thank you for reading,

Hannah x

We’re Halfway There.

We are officially halfway through now. These first 20 weeks have flown by and everyday that goes by makes me more and more excited to meet our little one. ❤

We have been making lots of preparations for baby’s arrival so I will definitely be uploading a nursery tour.

The first trimester was pretty tough for me emotionally and physically. I was one of the lucky ones and was never physically sick but the nausea was unbearable at times, especially when at work. I suffered mostly with fatigue, mood swings and food aversions. Fatigue meant that when I wasn’t at work, I was mostly likely at home and in bed. Getting through my shifts at work were a struggle I tell you that! I’ve always struggled with mood swings but the ones I experienced in the first 14 weeks were exhausting for both myself and my partner. (Bless him, he’s put up with a lot so far)

  • Food aversions were mostly any hot food. I could only eat very little and often and it had to be cold savoury foods. I would often cook my dinner and wait for it to be cold before eating. Or I would live on plain breadsticks and plain crackers.
  • Food cravings: I didn’t have any weird or strange cravings like sponges or dirt. I did however start to crave cheese, (which is odd because I don’t like cheese) chocolate milk, cereal and watermelon. I think thats about it…

I’m feeling regular movements from baby and I just can’t wait for the day that Josh can feel them too. Going to work has proven to be a bit difficult, I’m trying to take it one day at a time though. Being on my feet all day means I’ve been experiencing some cramping and I’m left feeling utterly exhausted by the end of the shift. My midwife keeps reminding me to take it easy and have plenty of sit downs.

Yoga has helped dramatically with my lower back pain so I will definitely be keeping that up! I used to attend a yoga class at my local gym, I’m thinking about going back and attending again very soon. I’ve also been reading a lot about hypnobirthing, it really intrigues me so I will be giving that a go too.

I’m trying to treasure all of the moments that I have for myself because when little one comes along all of my time and energy will be going into looking after them. So for now, lots of lazy evenings, long bath times and casually reading my favourite books.

Thats it for now! I will be sharing my pregnancy essentials in my next post so keep your eyes out for that!

Hope you’re all doing well.

Hannah x

I’m Pregnant

It’s been such a long time since I’ve written a post on here, I’ve really missed it! A lot has happened:
– I’ve changed jobs, (yes, again!)
– Josh and I decided that we would try for a baby.
– Josh and I found out we were pregnant in October.
– In November we moved out of our small 1 bedroom apartment to a beautiful house.
– We spent Christmas in our new home.

I’ve decided that I want to re-start blogging again. I’m kinda anxious about getting back into it but I’m sure I will feel right at home in no time.

So tell me, what type of content would you like to see from me?

Be sure to follow me over on Instagram too:
https://www.instagram.com/paint_me_a_smile_/

Talk soon,
Hannah x

It’s Been Quite A While.

Well hello there, it’s been such a long time since I’ve uploaded onto this blog. There are many reasons why I haven’t, the main one being, life has just kinda been a bit crazy!

A few weeks ago I started a new job and I’m loving it so far! The staff are so lovely and they really have made me feel part of the team.

I can’t believe that it’s almost September! Where is this year going?

I had a lot of fears and anxiety about uploading on here again. After giving it much thought I just figured that I didn’t really have anything to loose. Besides, I really miss my rambling thoughts!

Tomorrow marks a pretty big day for me. It’s the day that I’ve been waiting for for a good 2 and a half years, maybe a little longer than that now that I think about it. It’s the last day that I will spend on anti-depressants. I will be 100% medication free! I cannot believe how much my life has changed. Of course I still have bad days, and I still find myself rattled with anxiety. But for the most part, life is great! It’s been an uphill battle but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I’ve started going to the gym more too. It’s doing wonders for my self-confidence! I’m also doing tons of reading. I’m currently reading Becoming by Michelle Obama, she’s such an inspiration! OH and also, I don’t know how I could possibly forget this! My sister has moved down to Kent. How amazing is that? I’ve been loving spending more and more time with her.

So that kind of sums up what I’ve been up to.

What have you guys been up to? I would love to hear all about it.

-Hannah x

Foot Recovery.

Hello and welcome back to my blog.

On February the 19th I had an operation on my foot to remove a bunion that was causing me so much pain in and around my left foot.

After having a check up appointment this morning, the doctor is very happy with the amount that my foot has healed.

They did an xray on my foot. I was so shocked by how much you could see. They put three screws in my big toe to keep it straight. I’m so happy to have my foot back and not in pain. I have been cleared to go back to the gym. Apart from running I will be pretty much okay to do everything I would normally do, which is awesome.

So now that my foot is completely on the mend, I will be completing a fitness course that I have enrolled on. I will be putting together my fitness plan and diary. I can’t wait to share this part of my life with you.

I hope that you’re all having an amazing start to the week.

Much love,
Hannah x

Taming My Mind.

Dear Journal,

Its been such a long time since I’ve written in this section of the blog.

I guess in many ways I felt as though it was a bit redundant, irrelevant almost. Being in recovery brings thoughts and questions of “How on earth did I ever feel that low?!”

Over the past two months, I’ve been working closely with my therapist and my doctor to reduce my medication. There are a couple of reasons for this:

No.1: I don’t want to take medication anymore. I want to see how I can cope without it. I want to see how I am, unmediated.

No.2: the boyfriend and I have talked about trying for a baby towards the end of the year. There are too many risks during pregnancy being on these tablets. Plus, I want to breastfeed.

Anyway, back to the point, the medication has to be reduced twice more before I will be medication free. I’m told it will take another 3 months, which isn’t that long to be honest.

Recently, I have been struggling though. A lot more than I have done in the past year. Admittedly, there are many factors as to what is contributing to this. A couple of weeks ago I had an operation on my foot. I am unable to work. (Big big knockdown for me) and no gym. Also massive knockdown. I am stressed to the max.

Yesterday I admitted to my boyfriend that I didn’t want to be alive anymore. In that moment, I really did mean it. Although upon reflection, I know that’s not how i truly feel. I’m just struggling and drowning and I can’t seem to drag myself out of this pit that just seems to be getting deeper and deeper.

I know that its going to be okay. I know that when I look back at these past few days in a few months time I will congratulate myself for pushing through. I just know it! It’s just at this moment in time, I don’t see the light. It’s just dark.

But that’s okay.

Tomorrow, it’s a new day. New beginning. New things to achieve. And new goals to set.

Until then, enjoy the rest of your evening.

Much love,

Hannah x

What Have I been Up To?

Hey there, I hope that you’re having a great Sunday. It’s been such a long time since I’ve posted here. Life has just kinda got in the way and the more time that has passed, the more and more I felt anxious about posting.

I guess I should start by doing a re-cap about what I’ve been up to.

Christmas was amazing. Josh and I spent our first Christmas in our own place. We went to Josh’s mum’s house in the afternoon and we also stayed over. We played lots of family games, ate lots of good food and we also exchanged presents. On boxing day we went to Ramsgate to spend the day with Josh’s dads side of the family. We had a late Christmas with my family early Jan.

We went to a New Years Eve party which was so much fun. We played lots of games and maybe one or two glasses of Prosecco. Lol.

I spent January working out in the gym, working lots of hours at work and working on some of my new years resolutions. I will talk about them in a post early next week.

Last week I had a long awaited operation on my foot so I’ve been resting up whilst it heals. So that means, no walks, no gym and pretty much not doing anything for at least the first week. I’m back at the hospital tomorrow and hopefully they will be removing the cast and fitting a shoe so I will be able to walk on it.

But yeah, I just thought I would check in and say hey. Let me know what you’ve been up to and if you’ve set any new years resolutions. I would love to know what you guys are challenging yourselves to do this year!

Much love,
Hannah x

Primark Haul – Autumn 2018

Guess what?

I finally, (yes! Finally) uploaded a Primark Haul video for Autumn.

I received a lot of messages this year asking me if I was going to make a YouTube channel.

The answer is yes!

I have finally started posting more. I hope to be posting once a week from now on!

Be sure to head over to my channel and subscribe for new videos. I’m very excited about starting this adventure. It’s a way to make myself feel a bit more comfortable and confident in front of the camera as well as in myself.

Much love,
Hannah x

Coffee Adventure – Hessian Coffee Company.

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Hello and welcome back to another Coffee Adventure post. This weeks post is a little different in the sense that I will be sharing with you some coffee that I have recently received, rather than a coffee shop. It’s still an adventure though!

I have followed Hessian Coffee Company for a while on Instagram and they’ve been a company that I’ve wanted to work with for some time. I’m very excited to have received these sample packs for me to try!

Go follow them on
@ Instagram 
@ Facebook
@ Twitter 
@ Hessian Coffee Website

Okay, lets jump straight in!

Out of the three I definitely preferred the Bourbon Select and the Espresso Reserve. I feel that they were a bit sweeter. I have a very sweet tooth and the espresso No.1 was just a little too bitter for me.

I brewed the coffee for about 4-5 minutes.
I added a drop of caramel. Because why not?
Foamed a bit of milk and I was ready to indulge.

It made the perfect morning coffee to kick start my day!

I love that the Bourbon Select already had that hint of caramel, it was certainly enjoyable. Although, I do have to admit that the Espresso Reserve would easily become my everyday coffee.

I also used this coffee to make cold brews too and it was delicious.

It you are feeling super adventurous and want to make your own cold brew a little more creamy and luxurious, try this!

Ready?

  1. Brew your coffee as normal.
  2. Get your blender ready.
  3. Scoop a serving of vanilla ice cream in into the blender. (use milk as a lower calorie alternative) soya milk also works great!
  4. Add a couple of ice cubes.
  5. A drop of syrup.
  6. Add your desired amount of coffee to the blender.
  7. And. MIX!

And that’s it! It’s kind of like a homemade Frappuccino.

Give it a go, and if you do, be sure to tag me in your pictures over on my Instagram. @paint_me_a_smile_

I got a few questions last week asking why am I trying different types of coffee and traveling so much to different coffee shops?

Firstly, I love coffee! Like so so so much. And, I love coffee shops! I’ve always done this amount of coffee drinking and coffee shop going it’s just, I’ve never talked about it as much. (I don’t think…)

Secondly, it’s probably no secret to the people around me but in the next year or so, I will hopefully opening my own coffee and cake shop. It’s a project I have been working on for so long and I want to get it right. That means, the best coffee, the best location and I am in the best place possible to do it right.

Thirdly, I’ve wanted to do a coffee shop adventure type series on this blog for a while. I just decided now was the best time to do it.

I hope that you enjoyed this post and if you have any question coffee related or not feel free to drop me a message.

Are you a coffee shop owner or manager or does your company make coffee, I would love to work with you!

A massive thank you to Neil over at Hessian Coffee Company for kindly sending me these samples (I still have the tea bags, I will review them over on my Instagram very soon)

Stay tuned for next weeks Coffee Adventure post.

Here’s a hint about next weeks post: …Margate!

Much love and happy coffee drinking,
Hannah x