Boyfriend! Well, hello!
Firstly, I would like to say that I’m really proud of myself for learning how to open myself up to another person again. I’m sure we have already discussed about ex’s by this point, and as you probably already know, my ex’s have been pretty… shitty, to say the least!
You are probably already aware that I have trust issues and I am highly insecure at times. I’m sure that I brush off all of your compliments like I don’t care. (when secretly, they make me smile)
I still don’t believe them though. I’m working on it.
I’m sure you are very sweet. Caring. Attentive. I’m sure that you offer me much reassurance. (Again, I’m sure you are aware that I crave it) I’m sure that you listen to me talk for hours and say that you could do it all night. Are you crazy? I’m sure you tell me I look beautiful, even though I think I look like I’ve just been dragged through a bush. Still, your words make me smile.
I’m sure we have had a few ‘hiccups’ during the time we were ‘getting together.’ I’m sure I keep texting you with the same words of “Are we okay?” or “Are you angry?” and I’m sure that your response is “Of course baby.” I hope I’ve told you how much I love it when you call me baby.
I hope I’ve told you how much I appreciate you. And how much I love (yes love) having you in my life. I love your positivity. I love your ambition. Your drive. Your love. And your passion.
I hope I’ve apologised for all the times where I freak out and act crazy. I hope that I’ve said sorry a million times when I’ve caused a fight from something that was all made it up in my mind.
I hope that I’ve told you how much I love it when you smile. And that when you laugh, my heart melts. I hope that I’ve told you how adorable you look when you smile. Or how admirable it is when you talk about your family.
And when we talk about the future. Am I still afraid? The truth is, I’m sure I’m just scared that things won’t work out. And that I will get hurt. Or maybe that I will love you, more than you love me.
I know that you seem confused when I’m sad and I pull away from you. I hope that I reassure you that the reason for this is for self preservation. I don’t want to get hurt. And, I don’t want to hurt you.
Sometimes, I feel like I do need to be alone. To think. Not about us but, general things. You know? Being alone is something that I’ve always struggled with. I mean, I’m better than I was. Have I improved by this point? I sure hope that I have.
Did we ever go on a trip? I hope that we did and that we had an awesome time!
I hope I told you how much it takes for me to say the ‘L’ word, and I don’t mean leprechaun. Although, they are pretty cool.
I’m sure that (and I can say this now, because, well… this is for the future) from early on that I did start … (L)ing you. I probably did, because I’m sure that you are amazing.
I hope that we do couple type things like, walking along the beach holding hands. I hope that we write each other letters. (because I think that’s the sweetest thing ever) I hope that when you are sick I can be there to take care of you. Cook you food. And cuddle you whilst you’re sleeping.
And lastly, I hope that we haven’t lost our sarcastic banter. Because, just wouldn’t that be a shame!
Till then, I hope that you are well. I hope that you are creating and shaping the amazing person that you will become.
And when it’s time for us. We will be perfect.
I hope we meet soon,
Your future girlfriend.