Its been such a long time since I’ve written in this section of the blog.
I guess in many ways I felt as though it was a bit redundant, irrelevant almost. Being in recovery brings thoughts and questions of “How on earth did I ever feel that low?!”
Over the past two months, I’ve been working closely with my therapist and my doctor to reduce my medication. There are a couple of reasons for this:
No.1: I don’t want to take medication anymore. I want to see how I can cope without it. I want to see how I am, unmediated.
No.2: the boyfriend and I have talked about trying for a baby towards the end of the year. There are too many risks during pregnancy being on these tablets. Plus, I want to breastfeed.
Anyway, back to the point, the medication has to be reduced twice more before I will be medication free. I’m told it will take another 3 months, which isn’t that long to be honest.
Recently, I have been struggling though. A lot more than I have done in the past year. Admittedly, there are many factors as to what is contributing to this. A couple of weeks ago I had an operation on my foot. I am unable to work. (Big big knockdown for me) and no gym. Also massive knockdown. I am stressed to the max.
Yesterday I admitted to my boyfriend that I didn’t want to be alive anymore. In that moment, I really did mean it. Although upon reflection, I know that’s not how i truly feel. I’m just struggling and drowning and I can’t seem to drag myself out of this pit that just seems to be getting deeper and deeper.
I know that its going to be okay. I know that when I look back at these past few days in a few months time I will congratulate myself for pushing through. I just know it! It’s just at this moment in time, I don’t see the light. It’s just dark.
But that’s okay.
Tomorrow, it’s a new day. New beginning. New things to achieve. And new goals to set.
Until then, enjoy the rest of your evening.
I’ve been kicking October off with fluffy slippers, cosy blankets, nutty lattes and autumn scented candles.
Sounds divine, doesn’t it?
I wanted to take part in Blogtober this year but life has kinda got in the way. Plus, I’ve been uploading new videos on my YouTube channel. *happy dance* I will however be doing Blogmas like last year because OMG that was so much fun!
If you are taking part in Blogtober this year please do send me your blog links I would love to add them to my reading list.
P.S. Listen with me: my current Autumn Playlist on Spotify
Follow my socials:
It’s got to that time of year again where your skincare products need changing up. The weather has gotten pretty cold over the past few days in England. My skin is certainly feeling the change in weather.
I picked these up from Superdrug and Boots last month last month. I decided that it was time to change up what facial wash I was using and this one has been doing wonders for my skin. It leaves it feeling so clean and refreshed. It’s also got exfoliating bits in it which is great for my dry areas around the edges of my face.
The moisturisers are from Superdrug, it’s their new de-stress range so I thought I would give it a go. My skin has been feeling quite tired over the last couple of months from bad sleep so these seemed like a perfect fit for me right now. Overall I’m pretty impressed with them both. I use the everyday day and night moisturiser more than the night mask if I’m honest, just because I feel it’s a bit think. I will continue to give it a go though, I think during the winter it will be great. The day and night one id great though! It’s not greasy and I can still apply makeup over the top which is always a bonus.
Now onto the Boho Beach Jelly! For such a long time now I’ve hated having curly hair, then I found this range of products and managing my curly hair is no longer a chore. It leaves my hair feeling light and it really brings out my natural curls.
Those are all the current skincare products I’m currently using. I’m going to try and film a skincare routine video for my YouTube channel. I will try and get that done in the next couple of weeks.
What skincare products are you using right now?
Hello there, and welcome back to another coffee adventure post. A couple of weeks ago I decided that I would visit Eleto Chocolate Cafe in Canterbury. After many recommendations from a friend of mine I decided that I needed to visit and see for myself what this cafe was all about.
As I arrived it was quite busy outside and downstairs. I took a menu from the counter and made my way upstairs.
First impressions? Kinda quirky and rustic and definitely a place I could get some writing work done. It reminds me of a coffee shop I used to go to a lot during my time at University. I want to visit there again at some point, maybe next year.
I managed to get a window seat, I scanned the menu and omg! I was so spoilt for choice. I wanted something sweet and full of chocolate because after all this was the chocolate cafe. I ordered a Belgium Waffle and a cappuccino. When it arrived I was immediately taken to chocolate heaven, no exaggeration! It was so sweet and was just what I wanted. The cappuccino was on point too!
It will definitely be a place that I will be visiting again. I also picked up some chocolates and truffles to take home with me. They were divine!
Next time I visit I want to try one of their milkshakes and maybe some cake. They also have a branch in Folkestone so I might visit that one next!
Eleto Chocolate Cafe, Canterbury
1 Guildhall Street
t: 01227 464 164
Have you visited here? What were your thoughts?
Also, I am making it my mission to visit more and more coffee shops around Kent, and the UK so if you have any suggestions for coffee shops to visit please let me know.
Good morning, hows your Sunday going so far? Restful I hope! Grab yourself a nice warm drink and get ready for todays post.
Today I wanted to share a few things with you.
- This gorgeous bedding that I bought from Asda Living.
- My bedtime routine.
- Creating a comfortable bedroom space.
Because most of my shifts have been starting at 6:15am, I’ve been trying to get into bed before 10pm. I make sure that I open the window an hour before. There is nothing worse than trying to sleep in a room that is too hot. I’ve been loving lighting candles and putting fairy lights up. It feels so cozy! I’ve been slacking on my reading over the past couple of months. I haven’t been able to get into reading as much as I used to. I’ve been challenging myself to read at least one chapter throughout the day.
I’m currently reading Kalyn Nicholson’s book called Catcher. You can buy it from Amazon.
With Autumn just around the corner I’m in the process of moving some things around in the flat, this includes, new throws, pillows, candles, and art. Yes, art. I’ve bought a couple of pieces from Etsy. I just need to buy a couple of frames then they will be ready to put up.
The boy and I have just bought a rug for the living area, it’s looking and feeling more like our home already. I bought some cushions to match the rug. They are both neutral colours.
I’m so excited for Autumn. I’ve started filming more videos over on my YouTube channel. I will have two new videos going up next week. Click here to subscribe to my channel.
After seeing this hashtag going around on Twitter this morning I just knew that I had to get involved. Created by The Blurt Foundation. I’m all about things like this, it’s such a fantastic way to get people talking about mental health. Raising awareness about mental health needs to be taken more seriously than it ever has done before. It’s important that people feel that they can reach out without feeling pressured or embarrassed.
I came across Me and My Mental Health Matter’s Blog and loved the questions they used so I decided that I would answer the same questions on here.
When did you first notice your condition?
I think I was first aware of my condition from the age of 13. I didn’t fully understand or know exactly what it was. I just knew that I didn’t feel ‘right’. I didn’t fit in, but not in a ‘normal’ typical teenage not fitting in way, as many people around me felt thats the phase I was going through. I knew something was wrong and that I didn’t feel right.
It wasn’t till the age of 18 that my doctors finally gave me the ‘depression and anxiety’ label.
When did you first get help for your condition?
I first saw a school councillor at the age of 15. She helped me with stress management. That was the first time I was introduced to breathing techniques and meditation.
I saw three different therapists throughout my time at University. As well as a crisis team and sought help from the A&E department.
Do you take medication?
Yes. Over the past 6 years I’ve taken it on and off. At the moment I take two different dosages of Venlafaxine. It’s the only one I’ve been on that’s worked. Before Venlafaxine, no medication was working so my doctor referred me to a psychiatrist and they doubled my dose. I’ve been on this dose for the past year and 8 months. I will probably be on them for the rest of my life, but to be honest, if they help me live my life then I am okay with that.
What do you miss out on because of your condition?
In short, yes I do miss out on some things. But, as I get older I realise that my life is what I make it. Travel makes me anxious at times, but I take small journeys to challenge myself.
Would you get rid of your condition if you could?
No. I don’t think I would. It would have made my life a hell of a lot easier, but I wouldn’t have the acceptance and compassion for life that I have now. Yes there are many situations that make me anxious. There are days I feel like I can’t face the world. There are days where I feel like I can’t ‘do life’ anymore. But, I keep fighting. I keep living each day as it comes because I might feel depressed and hopeless one day but the next day I might wake up and be happy.
We All Have A Story. It’s your story and everyones is different. Keep fighting and pushing for what you want in life.
Life is so worth it.
Good morning, I hope that you all had a great weekend!
Today I wanted to share with you a hand soap that I picked up from the poundshop last week.
Love Parma violet sweets? Then this is the hand-wash for you! I can’t get enough of it.
What is your favourite scent of hand-wash?
P.S. I still have some bubblegum flavoured hand-wash in the cupboard.
Hello! I hope that you all have had a great week and are taking the weekend to just relax and recharge. If you’re working this weekend (like I am) make sure you get some ‘me time’ in during the evening times.
Today I want to share my bedside table essentials with you. I’ve been thinking about uploading a post like this for a while now. I always find it so interesting to see what other people put on their bedside tables.
I would love to know what you have as your bedside table essentials.
I’ve been doing my breakfast smoothie diet for a couple of months now and I’m absolutely loving it.
Here’s what I add to make my summer smoothie.
2 Bananas 1 Cup of Strawberries 1 Cup of Yogurt
AND THAT’S IT.
It’s that simple, but I love it.
I have it every morning and it really adds that healthy and positive element to my day. I hope that you guys give it a go.
If you do, remember to tag me in your pictures over on Instagram. My username is: @paint_me_a_smile_