Session 1.

Last Monday I had my first psychotherapy session. I’m not going to lie, I was pretty anxious about it! I really wasn’t sure of what to expect.

The session was incredibly emotional and upsetting.

We talked about my childhood. We talked about my parents and my dad’s controlling behaviour. We talked about the effects that that is having on my adult life.

We talked our way through the lengthy questionnaire that was handed to me in the introductory session about a month ago. I preferred that! I feel like I can convey my emotions better when I write them down.

We focused on the aspects of my life that I would like to change.

  • Mood swings
  • Obsessive thinking
  • Negative body image

Towards the end of the session, she asked me to think about what I would like to focus on in next weeks session. I think I would like to focus more on my mood swings and what triggers them.

I’m a little late uploading this post. By the time this post is live I will have just finished my second session. I’m aiming to write a re-cap of each session and upload it on a Monday evening.

Have you had psychotherapy before?

– Hannah ❤

5 Things That Make Me Happy.

We all have those moments when we are really down and disconnected. I’ve not really felt myself for the past few days so I decided, since I had today (Sunday) off from work, I would practice some self-care activities.

I would like to share with you 5 things that make me happy when I’m not quite feeling myself or I’m feeling down.

  1. Meeting friends:
    Yesterday some of my friends from work asked if I would like to go for coffee with them as a few of us had the day off from work. I agreed and then at around midday we all met up in Starbucks.
    I got a Toffee Nut Latte. Spending time with friends is a great way of relaxing and blowing off some steam. I find that sat around with likeminded people can relive stress and lift your mood. I really enjoyed seeing my friends today! 
  2. Lighting a candle:
    Now, this sounds so simplistic and a little strange I think. I ALWAYS find if I light a few of my favourite scented candles and just let the room fill with that scent, it’s a great mood lifter. Right now I’m burning one of my favourites, a cappuccino truffle candle from Yankee Candle. 
  3. Moisturising:
    I find there is no better self-care than physically taking care of your skin. If you have dry and unshaved legs, it may not make you feel great, I know for me, I feel tons better when I’ve taken the time to shave and moisturise. It makes you feel good about yourself! A fantastic way of building self-confidence! 
  4. Writing lists:
    Now, I’m sure I’m not the only person who finds writing lists incredibly therapeutic. Having those tasks and goals in place really keeps me focused and driven. Crossing each task off really gives me a sense of achievement and makes me feel happier.
  5. Netflix:
    Netflix. Films. YouTube. Anything that I can get into and laugh at! I’ve really been loving watching documentaries about British history at the minute.

So there we have it, five things that make me happy. Of course, there are lots of other things that make me happy, but these are just few self-care things I can do too.

What do you enjoy doing?

– Hannah ❤

Monday Thoughts.

Dear Journal,

It’s been a while. I feel like I start every journal post saying this… I should post more often! Things have been pretty up and down. I’ve been finding it increasingly difficult to maintain my mood.

Work has been okay. Could be better though if I’m honest. Everyday is the same, I put my makeup on and paint a smile on my face and do my best to get through the shift. I do often wonder if thats what the rest of my life will be like. Makeup to cover the dark circles, coffee to give me energy and a bright pink smile to stop people from asking the dreaded “are you okay?” Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I hate being asked if I’m okay. It’s just I feel that it’s just a ‘same shit different day’ kind of thing. Why keep rehashing the same story?

So my reply is, yeah I’m good thanks, you? (It seems like the easiest response)

Some days have been great. Some days I’ve done my shift at work and gone to the gym. Or I’ve tidied and organised my stuff at home. Or I would consciously take an evening off and have a self-care night.

But then there are the days where even breathing takes too much energy and it seems like it would be much easier just to sleep. One moment I can feel like I have so many options and opportunities right in front of me. Then in the next moment, I can feel like I’m carrying a million and one problems on my shoulders; and I convince myself that my life just isn’t worth living anymore.

Of course (well mostly anyway) I know that sentence may sound a tad dramatic. But honestly, some days, thats just how I feel. I don’t see the positive things that I have in my life.

Today has been a semi-positive day. I’m writing, thats a positive. I did some origami earlier, thats a positive.

I have a lot planned for tomorrow including an appointment with my care co-ordinator to discuss the next stages of my treatment as well as a discussion about seeing the psychiatrist again. I’m also seeing my friend in the afternoon. So it should be a pretty positive day.

What do you have planned for this coming week?

– Hannah ❤

Yoga, Sit-ups and Positivity.

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Dear Journal,

I’ve been having a hard time recently. I have been receiving a lot of advice from a few different people. It’s got me thinking: What I should be doing with my life. Where I should live. What career path I should take. What will make me happy the most.

I like options. Options make me happy. I like options just as much as I like pros and cons lists. And I like pros and cons lists A LOT.

You constantly focus on ‘what you haven’t done’ rather than focus on ‘what you have done’ was basically what someone said to me recently  And, it’s true. I dismiss anything good that I do and I just focus on the negative.

If I have a list of 10 things to get done by the end of the day and I only manage to complete 6 or 7 of them. I will go to bed in a bad mood because I feel that I didn’t work hard enough.

This morning somebody told me something that really got me thinking. She told me to write yourself a todo list that you would be okay with giving to someone else.

And that is what I need to practice.

I also started a yoga challenge! I’ve done yoga in the past, so I’m looking forward to getting back into it. Today marks day 1! I always find that yoga and exercise lift my mood. It also tends to make me a lot less anxious and down too.

I also managed to squeeze in a sit-ups and squats routine today too.

I can feel that this is going to be a great week!

When you’re feeling low, what do you do to keep yourself positive?

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