It’s Been Quite A While.

Well hello there, it’s been such a long time since I’ve uploaded onto this blog. There are many reasons why I haven’t, the main one being, life has just kinda been a bit crazy!

A few weeks ago I started a new job and I’m loving it so far! The staff are so lovely and they really have made me feel part of the team.

I can’t believe that it’s almost September! Where is this year going?

I had a lot of fears and anxiety about uploading on here again. After giving it much thought I just figured that I didn’t really have anything to loose. Besides, I really miss my rambling thoughts!

Tomorrow marks a pretty big day for me. It’s the day that I’ve been waiting for for a good 2 and a half years, maybe a little longer than that now that I think about it. It’s the last day that I will spend on anti-depressants. I will be 100% medication free! I cannot believe how much my life has changed. Of course I still have bad days, and I still find myself rattled with anxiety. But for the most part, life is great! It’s been an uphill battle but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I’ve started going to the gym more too. It’s doing wonders for my self-confidence! I’m also doing tons of reading. I’m currently reading Becoming by Michelle Obama, she’s such an inspiration! OH and also, I don’t know how I could possibly forget this! My sister has moved down to Kent. How amazing is that? I’ve been loving spending more and more time with her.

So that kind of sums up what I’ve been up to.

What have you guys been up to? I would love to hear all about it.

-Hannah x

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Foot Recovery.

Hello and welcome back to my blog.

On February the 19th I had an operation on my foot to remove a bunion that was causing me so much pain in and around my left foot.

After having a check up appointment this morning, the doctor is very happy with the amount that my foot has healed.

They did an xray on my foot. I was so shocked by how much you could see. They put three screws in my big toe to keep it straight. I’m so happy to have my foot back and not in pain. I have been cleared to go back to the gym. Apart from running I will be pretty much okay to do everything I would normally do, which is awesome.

So now that my foot is completely on the mend, I will be completing a fitness course that I have enrolled on. I will be putting together my fitness plan and diary. I can’t wait to share this part of my life with you.

I hope that you’re all having an amazing start to the week.

Much love,
Hannah x

Update | Canterbury | Holiday Haul

Taming My Mind.

Dear Journal,

Its been such a long time since I’ve written in this section of the blog.

I guess in many ways I felt as though it was a bit redundant, irrelevant almost. Being in recovery brings thoughts and questions of “How on earth did I ever feel that low?!”

Over the past two months, I’ve been working closely with my therapist and my doctor to reduce my medication. There are a couple of reasons for this:

No.1: I don’t want to take medication anymore. I want to see how I can cope without it. I want to see how I am, unmediated.

No.2: the boyfriend and I have talked about trying for a baby towards the end of the year. There are too many risks during pregnancy being on these tablets. Plus, I want to breastfeed.

Anyway, back to the point, the medication has to be reduced twice more before I will be medication free. I’m told it will take another 3 months, which isn’t that long to be honest.

Recently, I have been struggling though. A lot more than I have done in the past year. Admittedly, there are many factors as to what is contributing to this. A couple of weeks ago I had an operation on my foot. I am unable to work. (Big big knockdown for me) and no gym. Also massive knockdown. I am stressed to the max.

Yesterday I admitted to my boyfriend that I didn’t want to be alive anymore. In that moment, I really did mean it. Although upon reflection, I know that’s not how i truly feel. I’m just struggling and drowning and I can’t seem to drag myself out of this pit that just seems to be getting deeper and deeper.

I know that its going to be okay. I know that when I look back at these past few days in a few months time I will congratulate myself for pushing through. I just know it! It’s just at this moment in time, I don’t see the light. It’s just dark.

But that’s okay.

Tomorrow, it’s a new day. New beginning. New things to achieve. And new goals to set.

Until then, enjoy the rest of your evening.

Much love,

Hannah x

Getting Ready for Autumn.

Good morning, hows your Sunday going so far? Restful I hope! Grab yourself a nice warm drink and get ready for todays post.

Today I wanted to share a few things with you.

  1. This gorgeous bedding that I bought from Asda Living.
  2. My bedtime routine.
  3. Creating a comfortable bedroom space.

Because most of my shifts have been starting at 6:15am, I’ve been trying to get into bed before 10pm. I make sure that I open the window an hour before. There is nothing worse than trying to sleep in a room that is too hot. I’ve been loving lighting candles and putting fairy lights up. It feels so cozy! I’ve been slacking on my reading over the past couple of months. I haven’t been able to get into reading as much as I used to. I’ve been challenging myself to read at least one chapter throughout the day.

I’m currently reading Kalyn Nicholson’s book called Catcher. You can buy it from Amazon. 

With Autumn just around the corner I’m in the process of moving some things around in the flat, this includes, new throws, pillows, candles, and art. Yes, art. I’ve bought a couple of pieces from Etsy. I just need to buy a couple of frames then they will be ready to put up.

The boy and I have just bought a rug for the living area, it’s looking and feeling more like our home already. I bought some cushions to match the rug. They are both neutral colours.

I’m so excited for Autumn. I’ve started filming more videos over on my YouTube channel. I will have two new videos going up next week. Click here to subscribe to my channel. 

Much love,
Hannah x

# We All Have A Story.

After seeing this hashtag going around on Twitter this morning I just knew that I had to get involved. Created by The Blurt Foundation. I’m all about things like this, it’s such a fantastic way to get people talking about mental health. Raising awareness about mental health needs to be taken more seriously than it ever has done before. It’s important that people feel that they can reach out without feeling pressured or embarrassed.

I came across Me and My Mental Health Matter’s Blog and loved the questions they used so I decided that I would answer the same questions on here.

When did you first notice your condition?

I think I was first aware of my condition from the age of 13. I didn’t fully understand or know exactly what it was. I just knew that I didn’t feel ‘right’. I didn’t fit in, but not in a ‘normal’ typical teenage not fitting in way, as many people around me felt thats the phase I was going through. I knew something was wrong and that I didn’t feel right.

It wasn’t till the age of 18 that my doctors finally gave me the ‘depression and anxiety’ label.

When did you first get help for your condition? 

I first saw a school councillor at the age of 15. She helped me with stress management. That was the first time I was introduced to breathing techniques and meditation.

I saw three different therapists throughout my time at University. As well as a crisis team and sought help from the A&E department.

Do you take medication?

Yes. Over the past 6 years I’ve taken it on and off. At the moment I take two different dosages of Venlafaxine. It’s the only one I’ve been on that’s worked. Before Venlafaxine, no medication was working so my doctor referred me to a psychiatrist and they doubled my dose. I’ve been on this dose for the past year and 8 months. I will probably be on them for the rest of my life, but to be honest, if they help me live my life then I am okay with that.

What do you miss out on because of your condition?

In short, yes I do miss out on some things. But, as I get older I realise that my life is what I make it. Travel makes me anxious at times, but I take small journeys to challenge myself.

Would you get rid of your condition if you could?

No. I don’t think I would. It would have made my life a hell of a lot easier, but I wouldn’t have the acceptance and compassion for life that I have now. Yes there are many situations that make me anxious. There are days I feel like I can’t face the world. There are days where I feel like I can’t ‘do life’ anymore. But, I keep fighting. I keep living each day as it comes because I might feel depressed and hopeless one day but the next day I might wake up and be happy.

We All Have A Story. It’s your story and everyones is different. Keep fighting and pushing for what you want in life.

Life is so worth it.

Much love,
Hannah x

My Bedside Table Essentials.

Hello! I hope that you all have had a great week and are taking the weekend to just relax and recharge. If you’re working this weekend (like I am) make sure you get some ‘me time’ in during the evening times.

Today I want to share my bedside table essentials with you. I’ve been thinking about uploading a post like this for a while now. I always find it so interesting to see what other people put on their bedside tables.

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I would love to know what you have as your bedside table essentials.

Much love,

Hannah x

Hello August.

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Hello again, it’s Hannah here.

Today I wanted to share my August goals with you guys!

  1. Progress with doing yoga for stress management and flexibility.
  2. Upload more consistently on my blog and Instagram.
  3. Cut back on caffeine.
  4. Read two books.
  5. Treat myself more kindly.

What goals are you setting yourself this month?

Much love,

Hannah x

 

I’ve Come So Far.

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It has taken me years to be brave enough to walk around comfortably in a t-shirt.
I walked around Calais last weekend in shorts and a t-shirt.

It was such an achievement for me! 👍🏻💛

⭐️ Your mental health does not define you.

⭐️ Your scars do not define you.

⭐️ Your struggles are a sign of your inner strength.

Keep being you and you will go far. Work on accepting who you are and where you want to go. Make no apologies for who you are and just do your best!

Much love,

Hannah x

25 Things I’ve Learnt in 25 Years.

Hello everyone! How is your week going so far?

  1. I can’t please everyone.
  2. Embracing who I am.
  3. Finding what I love and doing more of it.
  4. I’m learning to see my struggles as lessons.
  5. I’m learning what the most important things in life are.
  6. Getting my university degree wasn’t all that.
  7. It’s okay that I don’t enjoy drinking alcohol.
  8. It’s okay if people don’t like me.
  9. It’s good to have opinions.
  10. Coffee is as amazing!
  11. Traveling makes me excited but also anxious.
  12. I deserve love and happiness.
  13. I really do love baking.
  14. It’s okay to ask for help.
  15. It’s okay to cry.
  16. I’m learning how to manage my mental health.
  17. I don’t need to be ashamed of my scars.
  18. I find yoga therapeutic.
  19. It’s okay to not stress about the ‘little things’
  20. I have so many amazing people in my life.
  21. Someday I would like to have children.
  22. The idea of marriage no longer scares me.
  23. I will always be sensitive and that’s okay!
  24. It’s okay to take breaks and doing nothing is actually okay!
  25. Keeping a journal has/is very useful for my mental health.

So that’s it! 25 things I’ve learnt in 25 years. Some of the things on that list, I am still working on and will be mostly likely working on them on a daily basis. It feels so good to see the achievements and positives in my life.

At times it can be so easy to get bogged down with the realities of life that we forget to look after ourselves and appreciate the journey that we are taking.

Every decision we make and every tough day we get through is leading to something greater. We need to keep fighting because in the end, we will get to live the life we so deserve.

Enjoy the rest of your evening!

Feel free to share some of the things that you’ve learnt over the years. 

– Hannah ❤