Where Have I Been…?

Dear Journal,

Where have I been? Good question!

I have been… busy. The truth is, things have been pretty bad for me. I’ve been very stressed. My moods have been so up and down. SH is at it’s all time worst. I have been and visited a psychiatrist for the first time a few weeks ago. (they aren’t as scary as my mind made them out to be)

We discussed a possible diagnosis which is currently BPD. (borderline personality disorder) He increased my medication. I’m currently taking 150mg of Venlafaxine. I’m not noticing a huge effect so far, but it’s only been a couple of weeks.

I’m also having nurse visits 3 times a week to monitor my medication, mood and food intake. It’s taking me a little bit of time to get used to it. But it’s much better than the alternative which is going into hospital as an impatient.

I’m currently planning a trip to London in a few weeks with my friend Josh. Check out his blog here: unitedasonevoice.co.uk

I’m currently working on some training books to work towards being a crew trainer at my store which is super positive.

Although things have been tough for the past couple of months. Things are looking more and more positive.

I have so many positive and great things ahead of me over the next 6 months. I have a lot of things to be focusing on.

Here are some things that are inspiring me to get up in the morning:

  • My friends
  • My Book
  • My family
  • My future job prospects
  • Possible return to education
  • Coffee
  • London trip
  • New York at Christmas

These are just some of the positive things I have in my life right now.

Every time I find myself doubting myself. I will look back at this post and remind myself that I have so many amazing people, and so many amazing things in my life. How could I possibly think about ending my life?

How is your week going? ❤

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I’m Back.

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Hello hello. I’m back. Missed me?

How was your weekend?

Mine was, relaxing to say the least. I got so much reading done. I started reading a new book called Everything Everything. It’s about a girl who can’t leave the house as she will get sick. A new family moved in next door and their teenage son is relentless in finding a way to get to know her. 

Its a very sweet book. I’m halfway through already. I spent some time with my family which was great. I took my cousins child swimming yesterday, it was his first time.

Today I’ve hit the ground running. I’m glad to be back into my normal routine. I got up fairly early. I headed straight to the gym. This afternoon I’ve just been focused on getting some writing done. Recently, I’ve been having a lot of inspiration for my book. So I’ve been getting a lot of writing done for that.

I’ve got a day off work tomorrow. I’ve got a lot of appointments to get through. It’s going to be a busy day, but exciting nonetheless.

I hope you have a fantastic week. ❤

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Life Update.

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Dear Journal,

I feel like it’s been ages since I uploaded so I thought I would just check in and give you guys a little update.

A lot of things in my life have been changing recently. I would like to share with you some of the changes that I’ve been making to my life.

I’ve joined the gym.
Actually I joined a few weeks ago and I’ve been really enjoying it. It’s probably the best thing I’ve down in a long time. Last week I went Monday-Friday and I took Saturday and Sunday off. And this week I went Monday and Tuesday after work. I had a day off today (Wednesday) so I went to a yoga class this morning. It was so difficult, but I felt so refreshed afterwards. I have a day off tomorrow (Thursday) too. I will go to the gym in the morning then see one of my best friends. She’s just had a little baby boy, I’m excited to meet him. 

I feel that going to the gym is really building my confidence and it’s really helping to keep my mood more level. I’ve always been quite body conscious and going to the gym is really helping with that. It’s making me feel better about myself.

I usually work early shifts at work so I’ve been going to work, then as soon as I’ve finished work I go to the gym. I spend about two hours there before going home.

As well as joining the gym, I’ve also started writing a book. (Actually, I started writing it a couple of months ago, but I’ve been working on it a lot recently) I’ve been filling my time and life with lots of positive things.

I feel like I’m learning how to listen to my body more. If I’m hungry, I eat. If I’m tired, I sleep. If I feel stressed, I stop what I’m doing and do something relaxing. I understand that these are such simplistic things to understand, but for me it’s something I really struggle with. I’m really learning how to care for myself more.

I’m proud of the progress I’ve been making with myself. I have not been sticking to my upload schedule which is starting to stress me out a little. I’ve got a lot going on at the moment as my work hours keep getting earlier and earlier. But I will figure it out. So my uploads are going to be a bit delayed for the next few weeks or so.

I hope that you understand.

I will return to my regular uploading schedule very soon. ❤

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P.S. What have you been up to?

Post Trip Feelings.

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Dear Journal,

Today I want to talk to you about my weekend away. Last weekend I went away with my family. As soon as I left work on Friday afternoon I headed straight home and got ready to start the weekend.

I was especially excited to go away. I felt that it would be a great opportunity to recharge. And I was not wrong. The weekend was great. I had a fantastic time!

I didn’t schedule my time. I didn’t get stressed about not planning my day. I didn’t set any alarms. I spent my time writing new blog posts and reading. It was the most relaxing weekend ever!

I’m glad that I went and not having the internet for the entire time was refreshing too. I mean, I love the internet, but I think sometimes I just need time away from it all. I was back at work today but I was feeling incredibly relaxed and I’ve had a fantastic day.

I find it especially hard to just switch off and relax without getting really anxious about the possibility of ‘wasting valuable time’… but this weekend. I did it! I ACTUALLY DID IT. I’m so proud of myself. I finally feeling like I’m making so much progress with bettering myself into the person I want to be.

I hope you had a fantastic weekend too! ❤

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